State of the Union

(Applause) Thank you, Thank you, no please, thank you (more applause) your too kind, thank you (applause dies down) hey, why did you stop, I am the president after all, no, only kidding folks!!
Good evening, lets get right to the mess that George Bush left for me. When I took over the office of President, the economy was in shambles thanks to Bush and his cronies. Business were struggling, but they were making it. I am so glad to say that most of those businesses are no longer struggling today, because they are no longer in business, I have made those businesses struggle less! (applause) Also, when I took office, unemployment was at a horrendous 4.5%. America can do better. I took that number, and I more than doubled it, and now...(applause) and now, it is almost at 11%, isn't that amazing. I have fixed that problem, you know, the one caused by the Bush Administration and his cronies (Democrats booing Bush administration). Now, come on, be nice!
I have taken the struggling car companies, and I have made them part of the government so that they no longer have to struggle with their own money, now they can struggle with the American peoples money instead, Bush would have never thought of that! (thunderous applause). I, Barack Obama, single handily saved all of the banks by forcing them to spend all of your hard earned cash on new bank buildings, and not loaning you, the American people any more money, but making sure that all they are going to do is trade that money among themselves so that they can get rich again, so I can blame Bush and his cronies for the next bank crises. (applause)
Now, lets not forget some of my campaign promises that I would have kept if it wasn't for Bush and his cronies (democrats boo again) okay, okay, um, uh, um, uh, um, uh, okay, the teleprompter is back. I would have healed the oceans with my touch, but Bush and the minority party blocked me from getting to the ocean so I could touch and heal it, so it is also the Republicans fault and not just George Bush's fault. (applause from Democrats). And what about global warming. Heck, just the other day is was 12 degrees in East Texas! I think I may have cooled the earth down a little too much with my skills! (thunderous laughter). I mean, come on, Bush was too stupid to cool the earth, but I obviously have it down! (more laughter, Bush was dumb chant from Democrat side of the building) Quiet down now, quiet down.
Let us also discuss the state of Massachusetts. Ted Kennedy's seat went to a man who rode the same anger at Bush to victory that I did in my masterful campaign that i ran alone and by my most awesome self. (confused applause) I think we all need to understand that I alone am the answer to all of America's questions, and no one else.
And finally, I promised to get health care reform done in less than a year. Did I? Yes, but the 40 republicans in the senate used the left over George Bush will power and blocked me!! I could have brought affordable health care to all (except the rich of course, they would be paying out the ...) (monstrous applause) but the party of no stopped us. If you are unhappy like mass. was, why not vote for a Democrat instead of a Republican next time, I mean, really, your are mad at Bush so you vote in a Republican? that don't make no sense!!
In closing, I would like to once again remind you of what a success my first year in office was, how I have fixed everything I could, but it was hard to fight for all of you little people with George Bush fighting so hard against me at every corner that I turned. Remember, hope for change, the hope of the change is the change that you have all hoped for in (applause rising from the Democrats) the hope that will bring the change that America needs!!! (applause now deafening)
Thank you, and the Deity of your choosing bless Barack Obama!!!!

From the Donkey's Mouth

This was some speech from Keith Olbermann's show from October 13, 2009. I don't even think I need to commentate on it at all. Just let it soak in. Then you will need a shower.


OLBERMAN: “…my dad … luckier than at least 45,000 Americans, because as discovered in a new study conducted by Harvard University and the Cambridge Health Alliance, that’s how many of us are dying each year because we don’t have insurance.
The number is horrible. But when it’s contrasted to what faced my father that night, it is unforgivable, because as Cambridge’s summary of the findings put it: deaths associated with lack of health insurance now exceed those caused by many common killers such as kidney disease.”

OLBERMANN: My father had less to fear that night from bad kidneys than he would have if he hadn’t had insurance. And yet we let this continue. You and I, this society, our country, Democrats and Republicans, this is the study that congressman from Florida quoted, about which the Republicans demanded an apology when they should have been standing there shrieking, demanding that we fix this.

OLBERMANN: Uninsured working age Americans have a 40 percent higher risk of death than their privately insured counterparts. People, in short, are dying for lack of money.

Dying as surely as they did when Charles Dickens wrote about the exact same problem, a boy who couldn’t get sufficient medical care for his affliction, of the underprivileged suffering not just privation but death as an uncomfortable mode silently and unseeingly through the streets of London. The book was called “A Christmas Carol” and the boy Dickens imagined was called “Tiny Tim.” And it was published on the 19th of December, 1843.

It is 166 years later and the problem is not only still with us, it is getting worse. The mortality rate among Americans under the age of 65 who are uninsured is 40 percent higher than those with insurance. In 1993, a similar study found the difference was only 20 percent. We are moving backwards.

We are letting people die because they do not have insurance? What’s worst is that barring meaningful health care reform now, this will only grow. The difference between the surveys from 1993 and now suggest: this fatal insurance gap is growing by about 1 percent per year. Your chances of dying because you don’t have insurance are now 40 percent higher than those who have it. By extrapolation, three years from now, your chances will be 43 percent higher.

OLBERMANN: Your chances of dying because you used to smoke compared to those who never smoked, are only 42 percent higher. You heard that right! At the current rate in 2012, you will be more fortunate, more secure, more long-lived if you used to SMOKE than if you don’t have insurance!!

OLBERMANN: This is the country you want? This is the country you will accept? Do those other people in this country have meaning to you? Or are they just extras in your movies? Backgrounds in your painting? Choruses in your solo?

Without access to insurance for all of us, and the only way we get it is with the government supplying the gaps-just like it does in flood insurance for God’s sake-that fatal gap will just keep growing. The 45 percent higher likelihood of death for the uninsured compared to the insured by 2014. By 2022, the figure will be 53 percent higher — 53 percent.

Press Release

Circa Oct. 4, 2009
Whitehouse Texas
Benjamin Dieter has announced that he is comming out of retirement for the 2009 season as a Denver Bronco fan. He has talked it over with his family, and he thinks that this is the best decision for his family and himself at this time. He would like to thank all of the people that still supported him during this tough time in his life and he would like to thank the 4-0 Broncos for helping win him back. That is all.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Obama Speaks to the Childrens

You all know that todays speech to all of the schools (that decided to carry it) in the country was totally for the children. Everything we do seems to be for the children. Please don not forget about the children. The children are our future. The children will listen to the President because he is so awsome!!!
We all know that the President really wants to indoctrinate our cute little ones into becoming community organizers or union labor or whatever elses he thinks is important. He sure said "I" alot in the speech. I don't know if any of you read or say the speech, I went on and read it after he delivered it. It was very generic, and very non descript, alot of "do your bests" and "try hard" and dont let the man get you down"s. For being such a great speaker, he doesn't really say alot. I just want all of you to remember, he is the King of the socialist train, so watch and read carefully anything he says to your kids.

The Life and Death of a Bronco Fan 1987-2009

A Bronco fan was born on January 25, 1987. He began his life watching a quarterback named John Elway fight for a Super bowl victory that just wasn’t meant to be. He watched the struggle of a man who had single handedly (is that a word?) taken a team that wasn’t a super bowl contender to the super bowl. The young boy of 11 dreamed of the Broncos. He fell in love with the Broncos. He became a bigger and bigger (the size of his fandom and the size of his belly) fan of the Broncos and had to watch them struggle through two more Super bowl losses to the Redskins and the 49ers. The 80’s were a rough decade for the young boy and for John Elway and his Broncos.

But they both pressed on. The boy grew into a teenager and eventually graduated from high school, now with a huge collection of Broncos clothes and John Elway football cards. He even saved cards of other Bronco players, you know, the lesser know Broncos. He watched every year religiously, through the losing years under coaches Dan Reeves
and Wade Phillips. Then they hired a man named Mike Shanahan. And he brought the Broncos something that Elway was missing all those super bowl loosing years.
A running game. The boy (now a young man) was happy that his team looked like it may be back on top again. The Broncos made a great run in 1996 which ended in the worst way possible, with Denver loosing to Jacksonville at home to end what was to be the season of the Broncos. Elway was devastated, and so was the young man. The young man, now a college student, was sorely disappointed with the end to his teams season. But he pressed on as a fan. He wasn’t going to give up just because his team was knocked out of the Playoffs way too early. He was a true fan. Almost nothing would take away his passion for Bronco football.

Of course, everyone remembers what happened the next two years. The Denver Broncos and John Elway became Super bowl champions in back to back seasons, staring the 1999 season 13-0 before loosing their first game (Mercury Morris finally breathed). The Broncos were on top of the world. And so was the young man. He was in the prime of his Bronco life, at the young age of 24. He was on top of the football world, as his team had won back to back super bowls.

Then, devastation hit. John Elway announced his retirement and actually retired (take a hint from that Brett Farve).
Bronco fans were saddened that he was calling it quits, and our young Bronco fan took it particularly hard. He was on top of the world, hoping for the first 3-peat in the history of the NFL, but now it wasn’t to be. With Elway’s retirement, a 3-peat was out of the question. His hopes dashed, he wandered aimlessly through the off-season wondering what would become of him and his team. He was confused, alone and afraid. Should he continue to follow his team without the team’s leader and hero? Should he burn all of his bronco stuff including his two Elway jerseys? Should he eat another hamburger?
At least he knew the answer to the last question.
So began the Brian Griese era, and the young fan was skeptical about the how the team would perform without their great leader. Could Griese keep the winning tradition together? The answer, was of course, no, just as the young fan had feared. Well, now we will start calling him a middle aged fan. Griese had a few bad years and then moved on to another team. It was a midlife crisis of sorts for the middle aged fan. He was trying to be totally sold out to his favorite team, but they were not exactly impressing him or doing anything to keep his confidence level up to where it should be. But he pressed on. He may have watched other teams, he may have rooted for some other quarterback on some other club, but his heart still belonged to the Broncos. At least most of it.
The came Jake “the snake” Plummer. The fan wasn’t getting any younger, and neither was Plummer. The fan was now very confused about what to do. Why Jake? What were the Broncos thinking? It seemed like a bad decision, at first, but it actually turned out well. Jake “the snake” looked better than he ever had in Arizona, and led the Broncos to the AFC Championship game in 2005, and it was in Denver. Once again, The Broncos disappointed the fan. He couldn’t believe that the Broncos had lost so badly when they had home field advantage, again. Jake “the snake” put the second nail in the coffin of this aging Bronco fan.

Then, the answer came, the late life surge for this Bronco fan, so to speak. Jay Cutler. Jay replaced “the snake” the following season about 5 games in, and, although he kinda sucked it up that first season, it was kind of expected. Jay was going to be the next great thing in Denver. Denver had a good running game, and finally, they had a quarterback again. The now aged Bronco fan knew that this was what would keep his pulse going as a Bronco fan, and hard throwing quarterback. He took a couple of seasons to get set in, but, he finally did and the Broncos started 2008 with a 4-0 record and they were looking good (if you don’t care about defense).
Then, Mr. Cutler made an offhand comment about having a stronger arm then Elway ever had, and yet another nail was put in the mans coffin. But he was willing to live with Mr. Cutler’s arrogance as long as the Cut kept winning. But the Cut did not keep winning. In fact, they were in first place from week 1 to week 16, and they blew in week 17 by getting blown out in Denver by the San Diego Chargers and their classy quarterback, Phillipe Rivers, who knew that somehow he deserved to win the game. And then the 2008 season was over.
At this point the man, now well into his late fan years, was very close to death. How could the Broncos do this to a man with a weak heart? What were they thinking sucking that bad to end the season? Where was his Metamucil? The man pondered these questions and more. And then, out of nowhere, the man died. April 25, 2009, the bronco fan in the man passed away. Well, it really wasn’t out of nowhere. It took a combination of the firing of Shanahan, the hiring of Coach McStupid,(pictured here)
the attempted acquiring of Matt Castle, the denial of said attempted acquiring, the stupid press conferences about the denial of said attempted acquiring, the talk about “Jay being our man”, the trading of the Cut, and finally the fact that Baylor scrimmaged the Bronco defense and scored 128 points against them and Coach McStupid drafted a running back in the first round. So maybe there was a reason why he died.
Either way, the bronco fan is dead, and he is not coming back, and he is ready to be re-born, he just needs to find a team to follow as religiously as he did the Broncos for all those years.

Thank You Very Much, Senator

Senator Arlen Specter announced this week that he is changing from the Republican party to the Democrat party. His reason was that the Republican party has just gone too far to the right for him. This coming from a man who hasn't voted with the republicans since the carter administration. (slight exaggeration). I am slightly supprised that this is the reason that the senator gave, seeing that the Democrats are more to the left then they have ever been at any time in history. Does that mean that Senator Specter does not think that his new "buddies" are not to far to the left?
I think that this is the speech that the senator should have given.
(dramitization) "Good afternoon. I am here today to say that I am proud and even honered to tell you all that I am the most important thing in my life. I am the best thing that ever happened to me by far. Listening to myself talk sends chills down my leg, kind of like when Keith Olberman hears,sees or just thinks of Barak Obama. But enough about me. Oh, who am I kidding, more about me. I have advanced my career by totally screwing everyone who voted for me over and over again, so I must be pretty brilliant, which brings me to my point for this press confrence today. I have an approval rating of -50%, so, my chances of re-election as a republican looks pretty dim, and that would be a bad thing for me. I need to be re-elected because it is important to, well, me. I didn't even take into consideration all the money and support that I recieved from the republican party when I made this decision, as that would be thinking of someone else first, and I haven't done that since the Ford administration, and that was only by accident. Anyway, I am proud to announce that i have a much better shot of being elected as a democrat, so I am once again laughing in the face of all the people of Penn. that voted for me, all the republicans that supported me, and everyone that believed I believe in something other than myself. I do not, never have, and never will. I am 79 for crying out loud, why would I change now (well, except for changing party's, of course). This is the best thing for, well, me. I would like to thank me for making such a bold decision, and I would like to thank my good friends at MSNBC for their support during this great time in my life. It is a good feeling to no longer be a closet democrat, but to actually one. I can't wait to tell the guys at the next cocktail party.
In conclusion, I am awsome, and when you re-elect me as a democrat Pennsylvania, I will continue doing what is best for me and not caring about you. Thank me, and God Bless Me."